Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
