If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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