I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
should my penis look like a turkey
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
