ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
