Already got asked if we're dating
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
