Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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