I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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