i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
