Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
