I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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