I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
