But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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