I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
