you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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