vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
