so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
