The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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