just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
