Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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