i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
