im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
