i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
