I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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