i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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