before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
