I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
