You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
