btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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