Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize