I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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