so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
