i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
