You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize