I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
