why didn't you poke me back
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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