Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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