i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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