My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
