yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
