i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
