so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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