last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
