How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
