If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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