please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
