tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
