life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
