I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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