so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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