He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
