i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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