my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
