if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
