I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
