The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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