I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
