I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
