operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
