I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
