She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
