i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
