Where did you get a picture of my penis
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
