Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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