things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
