From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
