when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
