she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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