So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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