Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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