I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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