I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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