You're my little dorito
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Congratulations! We have a period
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
