What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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