i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
