just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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